67 Thoughts Mandi Kaye Had While Watching Splash

  1. I didn’t know this was a Ron Howard film.
  2. Eugene Levy? John Candy? Cool!
  3. “Twenty years ago” – heh
  4. Wait, what? That escalated quickly.
  5. His brother is such a creep.
  6. They only looked at each other. Why is she crying?
  7. Cherries get a little slime? Ewwwww.
  8. Oh. John Candy is the brother? The creep brother. Of course!
  9. His story is A Lesbian No More. Ugh.
  10. This lady no Mrs. Landingham
  11. Got hit in the head by some lightning? Ouch.
  12. Tom Hanks is one whose voice has remained the same.
  13. They were living together and he won’t even say he loves her? WTF TOM HANKS?
  14. She dodged a bullet by moving out.
  15. OH MY GOD ARE YOU SERIOUS FREDDY STILL DOES THE CHANGE THING?
  16. Go home, Tom, you’re drunk.
  17. I don’t think taxis go from Manhattan to Cape Cod.
  18. Okay, maybe they do, if you’ve got enough cash.
  19. Eugene Levy also sounds exactly the same.
  20. “I can fix it. I’m mechanical.”
  21. How does she have legs? I hope they explain that.
  22. LOL, he has a “Vista” “Charge Card”.
  23. How does she know how to read?
  24. She’s wearing her bra outside her shirt.
  25. Oh look, naked Daryl Hannah again.
  26. She seemed very afraid/startled by Tom Hanks until she stopped and kissed him. So why is she okay with a large jeering crowd?
  27. I’m really irritated that he’s so gaga over a woman he barely saw, didn’t speak to, all because she’s beautiful.
  28. She likes to say hello by kissing.
  29. He doesn’t think it’s weird at all.
  30. They had sex. And she’s wonderful for it.
  31. UGH.
  32. This is the most unlikable I’ve ever seen Tom Hanks.
  33. Uh oh. She went outside.
  34. “My daughter, on the other hand, is lucky. She’s anorexic.” OH MY GOD.
  35. I hate this movie.
  36. “I’m looking for a girl.” “200 bucks” UGH
  37. She learned how to talk by watching television.
  38. The Evil Dead is playing at that movie theater.
  39. Madison’s not a name? Um, it sure as hell is now. 
  40. On top of the refrigerator?
  41. He tells her it’s really funny, so she just immediately laughs.
  42. IT’S THE PATRIARCHY
  43. She kissed the box.
  44. He’s smoking while playing racquetball.
  45. How did she get the fountain in there?
  46. “Because I love you.” NO YOU DON’T.
  47. You can’t just go throwing water on people Eugene.
  48. He just basically proposed.
  49. She’s eating the shell. LOL
  50. And now he’s actually proposed.
  51. Without ever saying he loves her.
  52. He’s known her for what? 3 days?
  53. How does the Eugene guy know where they always are?
  54. “Behold the mermaid!”
  55. Alan’s an asshole.
  56. We already knew that.
  57. Where are they taking her?
  58. Oh, they think he’s a merman.
  59. This makes me even more angry.
  60. Yep, he’s an asshole.
  61. Are we seriously going to get creepy brother telling Alan how stupid he is? Espousing happiness and true love?
  62. She’s super sick. WTF.
  63. Oh NOW Eugene has a conscience?
  64. How do people just find people? How does Alan know he’s at the dentist?
  65. Why can’t he ever come back?
  66. I thought he couldn’t swim.
  67. How does this work in practicality? He still needs to eat, right?

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Mandi Kaye

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