55 Thoughts Mandi Kaye Had Whilst Watching Muriel’s Wedding

  1. These opening credits are odd. They’re so… bland.
  2. What assholes! “No one’s ever going to marry you.”
  3. Maybe don’t go walking towards the sex noises?
  4. Stole the dress? Hrm.
  5. She totally stole that dress.
  6. So her dad gave them beer so they just let it go? Is that what happened?
  7. Her dad is definitely a character.
  8. And an asshole.
  9. Her mom breaks my heart.
  10. These friends are the WORST.
  11. Is everyone in this movie an asshole?
  12. I’m not sure that stealing from your dad is the way to show him that you can be successful…
  13. I had no idea Rachel Griffiths was Australian too! I like her a lot.
  14. How lucky of Muriel to find a friend on this random holiday. 
  15. I mean, it’s awesome for her. But it’s definitely only something that happens in a movie.
  16. Her family thinks she paid for this holiday with new job money? Are they stupid?
  17. Oh, right. She lied to Rhonda about everything, too. That’s gonna bite her in the ass.
  18. $12,000? She cleaned her parents out?
  19. Well I guess it makes sense… if her family are all assholes, she would be, too.
  20. Oh wow, she looks so much better. And it looks like she got a job, too!
  21. She is a hot damn mess.
  22. She’s so awkward it’s painful.
  23. I can’t even with this.
  24. “We’re being raided again.” What?
  25. And now Rhonda has a spinal tumor? What?
  26. Muriel just can’t help herself from lying.
  27. She bought a wedding album for herself? For photos of her trying on a dress?
  28. SHE’S INSANE!
  29. But damn if her hair isn’t really good now. That color is gorgeous.
  30. “Now my life’s as good as an Abba song. It’s as good as Dancing Queen.”
  31. Uh oh – Rhonda’s about to discover some of Muriel’s secrets.
  32. He’s totally having an affair with Deidre Chambers.
  33. “Are you black?” JFC.
  34. “Would you find it difficult to lie?” She’s definitely a queen at it.
  35. Oh no! Don’t listen to Abba!
  36. She’s really going through with it.
  37. I’m betting that the groom won’t go through with it. No matter how badly he needs it for immigration.
  38. The vapid girls are her bridesmaids? Ugh.
  39. She is beautiful, though.
  40. Why is Brice there?
  41. Yeah, this groom isn’t going to through with it.
  42. People are going to object, right? Right?!
  43. Hmm, not what I expected, but alright.
  44. Aw, the mom missed the whole thing.
  45. And then Muriel didn’t even say hi to her. The mom is such a heartbreaking character to me.
  46. Muriel is such an asshole.
  47. This whole family is such a hot mess.
  48. Oh god, did the mom kill herself?
  49. Heart attack?
  50. Yep, suicide.
  51. Muriel’s finally realizing she’s an asshole.
  52. At least the dude is human, and is comforting her.
  53. But don’t kiss her! 
  54. She sleeps with him and then decides she can’t stay married?
  55. I mean, I guess your mom’s suicide will make you want to grow up fast.

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Matthew Vose

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